Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
