For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
