i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
