So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
