And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
