dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
