Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
