I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
