don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
