Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
