Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
