Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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