he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
