i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
