i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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