so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
