Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
