He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
