guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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