his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
