Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize