he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
