Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
