How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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