Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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