you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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