He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
