I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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