There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to fling myself into the sun
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
