Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
