butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
