some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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