While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
