Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
