Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
