i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
