I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
