I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this boner is exhausting
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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