woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
