google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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