Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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