Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
