You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
