Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
