I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
