just come out here and I will go home with you...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize