No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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