and next time when you feel me up, do it right
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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