Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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