At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
