So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's blow job season.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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