where am i from again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
