I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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