I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
