I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize