I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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