just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
youre lurking in front of me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
