you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
