so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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