Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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