i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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