They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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