Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
