I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
