I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize