i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
