Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
