I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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