my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
