after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
