I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
there is glitter all over my balls
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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