I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
