He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
