all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize