I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
