ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
