whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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