ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
