i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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