Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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